Let’s discuss, maternity leave or even women’s healthcare and hygiene products vs. mens. Okay, okay, I am not going to get political; but I feel there are some real issues here and ones that we need to start asking questions or voicing our concerns over.
I take being a mother to an extremely protective level. My son is 13 years old, but you must understand he is my miracle, my grace, and my baby. People (mostly men) always tell me I need to “cut the umbilical cord.” Maybe if they knew of the sadness and the happiness I have for being a mother, they would understand. Here I share with you another personal, dark, and deep story of humility, horror, sadness, and one that still leaves an open wound. This story is the reason I got the Psalm, 46:5 down my spine, “God is within her, she will not fall.”
Six years ago I was trying to get pregnant through inter-uterine insemination (many refer to this as IVF/ artificial insemination) after spending roughly $4,200 over the course of four months I had finally gotten pregnant. It took almost a month and half to get a positive pregnancy test – but I was elated. This moment of elation was filled with worry because I was actually in between leaving my current position to start a new career within a school district. My very first day, I felt like I had achieved so much in my life at that moment! I had completed my Bachelor’s Degree, interviewed in front of 12 people, to be sitting in an “administrator” position. I felt so important, proud, and like I achieved everything I worked hard for. On the second day – that feeling changed. A male who was my supervisor made a comment about a female he had hired not knowing that she was pregnant during the interview and that he felt if he had known she wouldn’t have been able to start working or was having a child he wouldn’t have hired her. I sunk into myself. I literally just found out I was pregnant. A time that should have been some of the happiest days of my life. Instead I was sitting in front of a man who shamed women for their God given right – to be a mother. I resulted to laughing awkwardly not knowing what to say and found a reason to leave his office.
Fast forward two days later as I was sitting helping with Kindergarten registration and I felt a sharp pain. I quickly went into the bathroom to where I found blood. Immediately, I called the OBGYN for them to tell me this was normal, there was nothing to worry about. Although I couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t normal, I tried my hardest to push the thought from my mind and continued on with my day. Everything seemed to go back to normal until the next morning. I got up and I couldn’t get out of bed – the pain hurt immensely. I remember forcing myself to get my son dressed and to keep my composure as I was trying to walk around like nothing was wrong. As soon as he got on the bus to go to school, I immediately went to the Emergency Room. It was literally my fourth day on the job and I had to call Human Resources to tell them I was going to the ER. She politely told me to keep her posted – and call back when I was done. I didn’t leave anytime soon – After an ultrasound they found that I had a pretty bad ectopic pregnancy and they would be removing my right Fallopian tube. There was no way to save it. I remember calling my best friend bawling that I was alone at the ER and they were prepping me for surgery. My eyes were puffy and I remember being extremely uncomfortable because they couldn’t give me any medication until I was ready for surgery. My best friend came to be with me and she tried her best to comfort me as I wept uncontrollably. This wasn’t just me losing a baby, this was me losing my chance to have more children – that’s seriously how I saw it. I had to regain enough composure to call the school district back again and tell them I would be off – I lied and told them my appendices burst. It disgusts me to this day I felt I had to lie to such a “prestigious” employer that I viewed as being the kind of job – where you “made it” if you worked there. I couldn’t face going back having them know I was pregnant and didn’t tell them….
If you are an employer, please for the love of God, do not create an environment where anyone feels they need to lie – that is a toxic environment. Period!
Back to my story – the pain was immense – actually quite worse than my miscarriage. I laid there alone awaiting the cold operating room – honestly I am tearing up now still thinking about it. I was alone – and in a dark place. After I came out of surgery, not only was my best friend there but my coworker from the place I was leaving was there to comfort me. Don’t ever lose women like this in your life – the strength we have in our friendships and relationships – it can’t be replaced.
I cried a lot that day – I cried more so when I was informed I would only be allowed to take 4 days off from my new employer. I technically wasn’t even allowed to drive for a week – but I had to drive myself home that day and then sit there – alone…… it was hard. It was harder having respect for the male supervisor that made gross comments about another female employee. Now having to lie about my current situation and finding another reason to lie about having to take off a week later to get blood taken to check my levels. I did eventually inform my friend the HR director before I left the real reason I took off when I initially started. She was horrified – but understood my reasoning.
If I could advocate for women’s rights and be sincerely heard – I would have a lot to say. Stop shaming women for wanting to have children. Stop shaming women that do not want to have children. Women stop mom shaming stay at home moms. Moms that are stay at home moms – stop shaming women that want careers and children. We all don’t have a walk in the park – and both have pros and cons. We have got to stop criticizing one another, especially when we have NO clue what the other is truly going through. I swear, we women, have this hidden talent of trying to hide what bothers us – we just keep bottling it up – until (we don’t even realize) are damaging our mental and physical health.
I feel that businesses should offer better leave options for mothers that have just given birth OR suffer the loss of a child. It’s 2021 ?!?!?! How is this not a thing?
Every child, unborn or born, leaves a special mark in our lives. The stretch marks that cover my body are from carrying a baby full-term. I love him dearly. *I could do without malicious comments by those males that have no clue what our body goes through – who the hell do you think you are? Did you carry, nourish, deliver, and then possibly breast feed a baby – I think not. I have three scars from my ectopic incisions and the mental scar of how close I was again to feel the joys of pregnancy. I also am still very much afflicted by the mental scars from my miscarriage that after the ectopic – I have a hard time holding babies – it makes me extremely sad and immensely painfully happy. I feel robbed.
I still feel like each life event is a lesson. This particular painful story, I feel is to encourage others to open up and start telling your own story. Why, in the year 2021, isn’t pregnancy loss, benefits, the cost of women’s hygiene to mens not a normal conversation?
Did you know, that women’s hygiene products cost 7% more than similar products for men. 56% of the time women pay more for comparable products. WHY!!!!! Now think about this for homeless girls and women. Disgusting! There are ways you can help! Helping Women Period helps supply women and girls with products – if you are interested be sure to click the link and help with a donation of money or supplies. https://www.helpingwomenperiod.org/
We all have suffered in some capacity – let’s not allow our friends, our sisters, our daughters, mothers – you get the picture think they are alone, or should be ashamed. Start normaling women’s hygiene/mental health rights – make it the new norm.
Amanda
#endpoverty #womensrights #standup
Her Boots 